Green Energy
Federal Government to Impose Limits on Salad and Breadsticks
The Olive Garden restaurant, known for unlimited salad and breadsticks, suffered a significant setback today when the Federal Government announced that it will be imposing limits on salad and breadsticks.
“This fiscally irresponsible behavior has gone on for too long,” said Nancy Pelosi, D-CA, “This is just the type of wasteful behavior that has led six billion Americans to unemployment every five minutes.”
President Obama stood by the assertion of the Speaker of the House.
“If we’re all going to get through these tough times, we’re going to have to work hard together,” said the President, “That might mean working a few hours less so someone else can work. It might mean that Bob the contractor should trade his tool van in for a Prius hybrid. And yes, it might mean that maybe Sally should put a sock in it after four bowls of salad.”
Republicans were quick to denounce the President’s plan as socialist and un-American.
“I went to an Olive Garden in France once,” said Mitch McConnell, R-KY, “They made me stop after four breadsticks. Is that what we want for the American people? After four breadsticks you still have a good forty minutes before your entrees hit the table. What are we supposed to do, sip water?”
News of the decision left Olive Garden’s management looking for alternatives.
“At this time, we’re not sure what to do,” said Leonardo Milton, Executive Vice President of Olive Garden Restaurants, “Unlimited salad and breadsticks is an Italian tradition dating back to the middle ages. Back then, if you were unable to provide your patrons with unlimited salad and breadsticks, your waiters were stretched out on a rack while their skin was flayed off with hot iron combs. Today, we carry on the salad and breadstick part of that great tradition.”
Milton did not indicate if Olive Garden restaurants would try to present alternatives to salad and breadsticks or if they would close down altogether.
“We’re going to have to layoff quite a few employees because of this,” said Milton, “Perhaps the President has some room in his cabinet. Most of these guys are pretty up to date on their taxes, well, except for Scooter, but that dumb bastard belongs back in Uruguay anyway.”
“This is a great step forward in ending wastefulness in America,” said Pelosi, “I wish we had passed the original draft of the bill which also put limits on that dude with the big-assed pepper grinder and the shake-on cheese.”
“That’s the last time I let Pelosi take me to my favorite restaurant,” said McConnell, “I knew I should have taken her somewhere I hated, like Denny’s or Popeye’s. I just hope she keeps the Federal Government’s grubby little paws the hell out of my Sizzler.”
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Green Energy
Federal Government to Impose Limits on Olive Garden Restaurant
Federal Government to Impose Limits on Salad and Breadsticks
The Olive Garden restaurant, known for unlimited salad and breadsticks, suffered a significant setback today when the Federal Government announced that it will be imposing limits on salad and breadsticks.
“This fiscally irresponsible behavior has gone on for too long,” said Nancy Pelosi, D-CA, “This is just the type of wasteful behavior that has led six billion Americans to unemployment every five minutes.”
President Obama stood by the assertion of the Speaker of the House.
“If we’re all going to get through these tough times, we’re going to have to work hard together,” said the President, “That might mean working a few hours less so someone else can work. It might mean that Bob the contractor should trade his tool van in for a Prius hybrid. And yes, it might mean that maybe Sally should put a sock in it after four bowls of salad.”
Republicans were quick to denounce the President’s plan as socialist and un-American.
“I went to an Olive Garden in France once,” said Mitch McConnell, R-KY, “They made me stop after four breadsticks. Is that what we want for the American people? After four breadsticks you still have a good forty minutes before your entrees hit the table. What are we supposed to do, sip water?”
News of the decision left Olive Garden’s management looking for alternatives.
“At this time, we’re not sure what to do,” said Leonardo Milton, Executive Vice President of Olive Garden Restaurants, “Unlimited salad and breadsticks is an Italian tradition dating back to the middle ages. Back then, if you were unable to provide your patrons with unlimited salad and breadsticks, your waiters were stretched out on a rack while their skin was flayed off with hot iron combs. Today, we carry on the salad and breadstick part of that great tradition.”
Milton did not indicate if Olive Garden restaurants would try to present alternatives to salad and breadsticks or if they would close down altogether.
“We’re going to have to layoff quite a few employees because of this,” said Milton, “Perhaps the President has some room in his cabinet. Most of these guys are pretty up to date on their taxes, well, except for Scooter, but that dumb bastard belongs back in Uruguay anyway.”
“This is a great step forward in ending wastefulness in America,” said Pelosi, “I wish we had passed the original draft of the bill which also put limits on that dude with the big-assed pepper grinder and the shake-on cheese.”
“That’s the last time I let Pelosi take me to my favorite restaurant,” said McConnell, “I knew I should have taken her somewhere I hated, like Denny’s or Popeye’s. I just hope she keeps the Federal Government’s grubby little paws the hell out of my Sizzler.”
- The Dow, The Nyse, Is Not The Economy
Dow Touches Fresh High Above 15000, S&P Pushes to New RecordIt is a measure of how corporate finance, manipulation, global business entities and unimaginably huge institutions view the policies of the FED. The FED now is the tool of that...
- It’s Nice To See That Obama Has Taken The Hint About Getting Out Of Our Private Lives
Michelle Obama to Promote Breastfeeding as IRS Gives Tax Breaks for NursingFirst lady Michelle Obama will be speaking out to remove barriers to breastfeeding, Politics Daily has learned, throwing the spotlight on nursing as a way to reduce childhood obesity.And...
- Pelosi Is A Saint
swiped this from Christian Soldier: On a Saturday afternoon, in Washington, D. C., an aide to House Speaker Nancy Pelosi visited the Bishop of the Catholic cathedral in D.C. He told the Cardinal that Nancy Pelosi would be attending the next day's...
-
UK: KFC's Taking Bacon Off Menu Because It Violates Islamic Law From Weasel Zippers: (Daily Mail)- A diner was left fuming after a KFC restaurant took his favourite meal off the menu because it breached their new halal regulations. Alan Phillips...
- Oh My God, Someone Pull That Summer Squash Out Of My Headl
Israelis bombard Gaza -- this time with salvo of salad JERUSALEM (AFP) - Israeli forces have again bombarded the Gaza Strip, but this time the "forces" were civilians and their "ammunition" a mixed salad salvo of summer...