The Battle of the Melody
Crossposted at The Blasphemous Book of Queen Kafirtiti
1. In the days when the world was governed by lawless tyrants and inhabited by savages, it was divided into two realms: The realm of the Civilized, also called The West, whose denizens were educated and had at their disposal devices which accomplished for them every task imaginable. And the other realm was known as the House of Allah and his prophet, may he be mocked evermore.2. The West had ships that carried goods from hither to thither. They created large birds of steel, that could fly them to and fro, over a great many miles. The West also had music, beautiful music, played skilfully by well-trained musicians. And many other ways to entertain themselves.
3. Compared to the House of Allah and his prophet, may wasps nest in his stomach for eternity, the West was very like the Paradise written in their holy book, which told of Virgins, and rivers of wine and endless pleasures, if the believers would but die and kill for Allah.
4. And it made the lawless savages angry, because they must die and kill in order to attain the very Paradise which already was in the West!
5. And so it came to pass, that the Sons of Allah would go out from their House, and travel to the West.
6. And seeing how much better was the West than Allah's own House, many of them would stop believing, while others, seeing how much better the West was than Allah's House would burn with resentment, and they became more savage and foolish, and did seek to destroy the West from within its own borders.
7. Now it came to pass, that a ship called 'The Melody' was full of Elders. And The Melody had with them skilled musicians, who performed beautiful music on the deck of the ship, while the Elders assembled to listen.
8. Now, the Elders came from an island called Britain, where many Sons of Allah were wreaking havoc upon them, for the Elders had foolishly allowed many of them to come there to live, believing they would honor the rules of Law and be civilized, and were sorely vexed to discover that the Sons of Allah did not wish to be like them in any way, but held them in disdain and contempt, and forced them to pay them the tax which they call the 'jizya', and to be humiliated.
9. And the rulers of Britain, and sheriffs could do nothing, for they were fools, and hated the Jews, and despised the land of Israel, which also the Sons of Allah hated and despised, and God held them in derision for having chosen stupidity and foolishness over justice and mercy and truth, and punished them with even more sons of Allah, being born into their midst, to cause havoc and chaos, for in these things do they exceed, those sons of Allah and the prophet, may dogs devour him forever,
10. But certainly, not all of the Britons, as they were called, were foolish and hated both Jews and the land of Israel, for the Elders on the ship hired a Jew, and an Israelite to protect them while at sea, for they heard how brave and fearless the Israelites are in battle.
11. And it came to pass, while at sea, The Melody did venture into waters infested with pirates, who were children, from the land of Somalia, which is in the House of Allah.
12. And they came with powerful weapons made in the West, in fast boats made in the West, in order to take hostages and hold them for ransom, for that is the only industry in the land of Somalia, and many young men, who know nothing but stealing and killing, were eager to be pirates.
13. But the Elders, seeing that their vessel was being boarded by the pirates, did gather quickly the chairs, and the tables, and all that they could lay upon with their hands, for they had no weapons themselves, did throw as much as they could onto the pirates' heads, til the pirates fell off their ropes, into the sea.
14. But the Israelite, aimed his weapon and fired at the pirates, who grew sore afraid and fled, for the men of Israel are fearsome warriors, and not easily defeated.
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